Kwasi Kwartang admits holding his calculator upside down

Wednesday September 28th, 2022 by Mark Molloy

New Chancellor Kwasi Kwartang today admitted he may have held his calculator upside down by mistake for at least a month.

With the country now completely screwed due to the financial decisions he and Liz Truss have made, Kwartang sought to defend his position today, saying he may have gotten a few sums wrong due to a mistake in the way he looked at his calculator.

Speaking earlier, he revealed: ‘It’s one of those scientific ones you get when you go to high school with a small screen, so I’m a bit confused.

“Unfortunately, it looks like some of the major decisions I’ve made using my calculator affecting an entire nation’s finances might be a bit out of date, as I was holding it upside down. All charts and stuff who went up, actually went down.

“It’s really a simple mistake, because there are a lot of complicated symbols like an ‘equals’ sign, and subtracting and all, it can all get a little confusing.

“So all the big money I’ve made to stabilize the economy is actually fake, I’m afraid, and we’re now completely screwed.

“Fortunately, I managed to spot my little mistake just in time, and long before anyone really noticed it and any damage was done.

“And now, as you can see on the screen, everything looks b….. oh look, I spelled BOOBIES.”

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